The annoying guy turned stalker

I was walking towards the parking lot, hugely depressed that I wasn't able to buy the book that I was wanting to buy for years. When I accidentally saw the guy that I bumped into earlier holding the book and smiling to his ears.

I continued walking until I reached my car. The guy who really caused me depression today was not done yet with making my day miserable. I found out that his car was parked beside my car. He was still holding the book and smiling but I just ignored him. I went inside my car and rushed to the exit to get more fresh air.

What a silly day.

I was driving with my music turned up. I was singing my hearts out and rejuvenating my mood when I realized that he was going at the same direction as mine. At first I thought that it was just his way of avoiding the traffic, but as I neared my place, I learned that if he wasn't annoying me to a greater extent ,then probably it was pure out of luck that he was also living at the same town as mine.

So, one way or another, he could have been visiting his parents or visiting a friend or a girlfriend. Or probably but I am really not in the mood to think, that he was also living at the same place that I am peacefully living a life.

So I just let it go. I arrived home and parked my car, until a honk of a car suddenly filled the driveway. As I went out, I realize that the bastard followed me all the way to my house and wasn't finish annoying me.

As I approach his car, he went outside and greeted me like a good neighbor. This was beginning to freak me out. At speed dial, I texted Arnold and Caroline to call the cops if ever they found out that I was missing or drops of blood were trickled on the floor.

The guy introduced himself and apologized. He knew that he freaked me out and told me not to panic or call the cops. He also said that he reminded me of his childhood crush, Hana. And so he cannot stop himself from annoying me and becoming my instant stalker for the day.

According to him, he was.. of course, I knew who he was! And I am sure, he still don't remember me.

That black cherubic hair, expressive eyes, luscious lips, deep voice, tanned tone, tall frame of 5”7 to 5”8 that matches his medium built body type.

Who would ever forget that look and that crush-worthy features?

“I am Bryyan.” I know.

The annoying guy

The city expects a black-out today resulting to a one day holiday at the office. Since everybody seemed to have their own thing going on, I decided to stop by to my favorite book store to pick up a nice read to relax my mind.

Unexpectedly, one of the guys I bumped into was not one of my favorite people in the world.

He was breezy and conceited. He must have forgotten me already, and so I thought. So I just went on to my favorite spot of the bookstore and indulge my way to my favorite authors.

Until he suddenly approached me and talked to me.

At first, I didn't moved my head or showed any interest of what he was saying. Pretending as if I didn't hear him or didn't know him or that I wasn't the one he was talking to.

What really got me into my nerves was the moment that he purposely picked the book that I was about to get. I just let it by, but then I realized that it's the only booked left and it will be months again before the bookstore will have it stock.

Aaaaarrrgh. Knowing that he really did that on purpose and that he was about to buy the book at the cashier, I stood up leaving the other books on the floor, and approach him.

“Excuse me, but I think you were just 30 seconds faster than I was when I should have picked that book out of the shelf.”

The guy just stared at me, crossed his eye brows and replied.

“Was that a pick-up line? Geeezz. I didn't know that you will get this far. ...”

And he started blabbing about how cool he is that I don't care about.

“No. it wasn't a pick-up line. I just caught your attention because, as I've said before, that I was suppose to purchase that book if only you weren't 30 seconds faster than me.”

“Oh, c'mon miss! I have been hearing that line almost everyday in this bookstore, and we always end up dating! So.. tell me, aren't you doing the same thing? Cause if you honestly tell me, I wouldn't let you down.”

This is where I started to raise my eye brows and snarled at him. This silly guy didn't just forgot who I am, but as a matter of fact accused of me of throwing some lame pick-up line to date him. Duh! Who gave him the right to do that to me?

“EXCUSE ME? I beg you not to repeat what you've just said, otherwise you will end up blacklisted to where you are standing right now.”

“Creepy little miss, I dare to defy you.”

I was about to do my thing and fight him over. I was getting ready, without thinking of my reputation as a writer and a beloved customer in my favorite bookstore.

Without thinking and processing what's going on.. one of the library crew in the bookstore made his way between us and stopped us from starting up a fight.

The library crew told the guy that he should not fight with me inside the bookstore because it is strictly prohibited and that he cannot fight me in the bookstore because I am a regular customer here and a stock-holder too.

Still, he didn't back off. The guy told the library crew that he was also a regular customer in this library cafe and that he's a family friend of the owner of the bookstore.

So he went back at me and smiled, rushed to the cashier and paid the book.

“How mean! Don't you know that that book will be out of stock for months? And it will take forever to get the same book in this branch? Plus, the mere fact that most bookstore just don't sell Yoshimoto's book in a regular basis? Aaaargh. You're a pain! How could you do this?”

After screaming my hearts out because of what happened. The guy went out of the library cafe, and I was left walking towards my favorite spot with some of the books that I was meticulously choosing to buy as a replacement to the Yoshimoto book that I want.

The price

Another 6 months had passed. Almost every occasion had come and go. Everything was floating and going on.

I kept myself busy as soon as I decided to let Timmy make himself the best that he can be. At first, he tried to step-up and handle the things that Enyah was slowly handing to him. The visits were shortened each day to weeks, weeks to hours, hours to a phone call, phone call to text messages, text messages to text message, text message to none.

It was hard. Difficult. Unmanageable.

I realized that I have been so attached to him, so dependent on him. That I have been unconsciously screaming for him and his attention. But this was my decision. This I have to face. I didn't let him go for no good reason. I didn't just shut him out of my world. This is for him. This is for all the people that has been handicapped when his time was endowed on me.

This must have been the feeling of the people who was neglected at the time that he decided to pursue a simple friendship with me. And this is the price he has to pay. A price I have to pay. The price that we have to pay.

I am hurting. But all I can do was accept every thing. This must be the part and parcel of our love story or friendship story. And it felt like debating to one's self for giving away someone whom you know can make you so much happier. Yet the verdict remains. I must move on now, for if he ever comes back and things will return to normal.. then perhaps, we will have a happily ever after.

My sacrifice

That was it. It was a blast. I wasn't ready for it but she made me. I don't know yet if I should tell this to Timmy, but I guess Enyah will eventually tell him what happened during the phone call.

I don't know. I was quite occupied about him being around, that I almost forgot that even before he met me, he has his own life to live. And sure Enyah was right for telling me where I stand.

That we don't have a relationship. Four months was ongoing and yet we are still in the same level as the first night that he fetch me at my office.

Still, I don't have the heart to tell him that we must pick up the pace. Why? Because before it was a feeling of uncertainty and fear. But now, it's more of the idea that I must teach him how to prioritize and be responsible and much mature about life.

I guess, we still have an ample time to continue whatever we have and for now, things must be in order before we go on to be together.

I am saying this not because I know him as an irresponsible and immature type of person, but rather because his career and family needs him now more than myself.

After this, I was able to talk to him and tell him my side of the story. His sister was right. I must not interfere with his life because it has been tampered with my presence. That I have decided to give him time to focus on the things that makes him a better brother and true to it's name.. the best Engineer, not only in Baguio but for everybody too.

Of course at first he disagreed, like the Timmy that Enyah was pointing out the last time we talked. He told me that he couldn't bear my decision. That it was not the same with how Enyah envisioned us together. That I knew better than Enyah. That I must remain on his side as he continue his role in the family business and the crisis, the problem and his being an Engineer.

But at that moment, I have made up my mind. Things could get better if he wouldn't have time to think of me. That he could be more attentive and much more deserving to his title. That at that time, I have to tell him what I know was best for him.

“You're family needs you now more than ever. Enyah is dying. She cannot be stressed yet she is dealing with this because she knows that you have a lot of things going on. You're company needs you. And you are an Engineer. And I? I am just a phone call away. I am you're friend. We have arrived at this level the moment that you decided to meet me. And it will never change no matter what. But how could you do so many things at this point in time, where everybody needs you more than I do?

“I have been telling you this for almost everyday this week that I am not competing with anyone, not ever. And I don't want to compete with anything that concerns your time. I need you too more than I want you. But they need you more and it's so little time. I swear I can wait. I vow that I will wait. Nothing will change.

“Right now, they need you as a brother, as an Engineer, as a boss, as the CEO, as one of the most powerful source that can touch lives and make it better. I am not saying that I don't want you anymore. But sometimes we have to sacrifice the things that makes us happy in order for us to become the better person that we aim to be.”

Of course. He didn't like that. What it felt for him, was that I betrayed him the life that he dreamed he will live with me. As much as I made it clear that nothing will change and I will forever be here, for him what just makes sense is that I am pushing him away to achieve greater glory and distance to make him much of the professional that everybody wants him to be.

He cannot understand, yet. But I know he will. He wish that I won't regret letting him go for others' sake. I don't know, I fear, but I must not let fear take me. I must trust him to do his job and to take care of the lives that others depend on him.

“We fought again. We had this misunderstanding about one of the properties that our parents left us. It was too debatable, yet he still pushed through. I wasn't able to handle it. He was a pain! After all that our family has been through, he still can't get over some things that are meant to be done. Yes, it does have a sentimental value. And of course! Our parents had striven so hard in that property. But we cannot make use of it anymore. Some things are meant to be given up, and he cannot understand it.”

When I first heard the first line, I thought that this was just one of their usual arguments that Enyah is in need of comforting. But as I listen to her blabbing of what has happened just moments ago, I then got the picture that this was a family thing. All I need to do was listen because this doesn't have to do with me.

“We have ample properties to take care of. Some that needs urgent attention, some that are doing well, some that needs to be discarded – or if not, donate to a more stable organization that can manage it within their expertise, and a lot more. What he was getting mad about is the property that I mentioned for donation. He was pointing out a lot of fuzzy things. He was making it a huge deal. I know what he means, that our parents worked so hard for it and made so much sacrifices for this property. But what should be the fuzz all about?

“He was mad at me for making a decision of donating it to a more knowledgeable organization. He wasn't thinking of it as something that could benefit our family. Instead, he was being selfish in a way that he wants to handle so many things – which I know that he couldn't handle anymore. And if it was gone to waste, who will he blame here? ME? My Gawd! I have been keeping this things all together, but how can I make all the possible and proper solutions in the world! I have cancer for Pete's sake! Yet, I am doing this thing for us! For our family, for our reputation, for him and his own family, and for me! Which of course is quite impossible because I know that life is short.. in a bit literal way.”

“I'm frustrated and stressed out. It's bad for me, I know it's bad for me. But I cannot let him do this alone. With all his engineering stuffs everywhere, and his own properties, and his time for you. …”

“Hold on there. His. Time. For. Me? Well, I really didn't ask him to do that, but he did. I was not needy or clingy in any way, or not even Arnold's busy schedule which somehow affect me – wasn't anything that I have asked him to do. He was not compelled to do this stuffs. I didn't ask him to pay so much attention to me, but again, he did. If only I knew that you were going through a lot, I would have told him or asked him to mind his own business first and deal with me if he still have some time.

“Actually, it was a surprise to see your brother appear in my doorstep for the past four months. Yes, it was already four months. We have been going out, and he was spending most of his time in this house. He has already shared some things about his life, but we're still dating and celebrating friendship at its best. But he never mentioned anything about what you've just called me for.

“I myself was shocked to hear that you are going through stressful stuffs and I feel guilty about doing happy things together with your brother. Without even realizing that both of you have a huge family business crisis. If I had only known better, then I would have learned where I stand.”

The phone call

How could it be possible to hate someone like him who had experience such melancholic life?

I still can't believe how I managed to be in good terms with the person I thought I hated the most. And the mere fact that everything started just because of childish misunderstandings brought us to the realization that we can still start over and be friends.

If only Enyah shared this story to me, it might bring me to a more mature understanding of the reasons why Timmy was I thought whom he was. But the very essence of him telling me how he'd been through was really a great step for me to know him better.

'Cause if I only learned that this was one of his struggles in life, it would have make a difference. I guess, now that I know, I must treasure this moment because he opened-up to me and trusted me that I can accept him for everything that he is.

I still feel guilt reigning over me because I took him the wrong way. That all these time, I thought he was stubborn and irresponsible, proud and competitive, and most of all lazy and rude all his life. That beyond every angst and madness, he was still a person who had been into so many things... more than I myself, can ever handle.

It was really something. I am a believer that God will not give you something you don't deserve or something that you cannot overcome. It's like praying for something with the best details possible but still ends up with something less than what you expected. We sometimes sulk over the outcome, but as we get over it, we realize that some of the specs just serves us best. Sometimes, we tend to shy away from the fad that everybody already have this something and yet we cannot have the same thing just because. And as I grew up, I realize that some packages tend to be that unique, because we ourselves are unique.

Sometimes, I still can't get over the thought of Enyah denying Timmy as his real brother. Now that I know some parts of Timmy's life, it still feels weird that some holes are still uncovered and mystery takes place.

As I think this through, not because I am prying over their lives, my cellphone unexpectedly rang in the middle of the night and I had the chance to talk to my friend, Enyah.

The voice of the person I was talking to was shaky and a bit raspy. It seemed as though Enyah has been crying for hours now and needed someone to talk to regarding the incident.

The story behind Timmy's childhood

He was beginning to trust me more and I can feel it. Just today, Timmy was able to open up to me what he'd been through to attain a stable life. He reminded me of the times that I used to bump into him and acted as if I just saw a leaf blown by the wind as I walked towards home.

It was in my college, that I often see him serving the church. And as I ask one of his aunt's housekeeper on how Timmy has been, I soon learned that he stopped studying and lost the passion to go back to school.

I wondered why, but I never asked Timmy. Instead, he answered this thought by another childhood memory.

A lot has happened to his family. It was difficult for him to accept that both his parents decided to annul the wedding. His father couldn't accept the fact that his wife asked him to leave her because she couldn't bare to see her family hurting from her suffering. Her mother was dying at that time and it was really chaotic to see his parents crash in just a snap.

It was traumatic for him to witness his father's melancholy with his mother's request. It was difficult for him to accept what was happening to his life, yet the situation calls for him to be strong. His father needs him. And so with his mom.

Seeing his mom suffering was like seeing half of his life deteriorating before his very eyes. And he cannot do anything about it, because according to his belief, it was destined to happen.

The situation calls for him to be strong for his family. Despite his mom's request, they still got the chance to be with her all through the suffering and go on with their lives. His dad whom he thought was the strongest among the family, seemed to be the weakest when it comes to the welfare of his family. So, during that time, Timmy felt as though he must take charge and be much stronger for his sister.

Yet, as he saw this coming, he knew that he and his sister must remain strong for the whole family.

His sister, Enyah, who was named after her mother, Enyaricah dela Fuerte, took the test in her own way and lived according to her mom's plan. She decided to continue her studies and was eager to take over the business as soon as she graduated from college.

After three years of agonizing pain with their mother's death, their father died of heart attack and left them in the custody of their aunt and uncle.

When Timmy reached the legal age of 21, he decided to take some of the properties and responsibilities that their parents left them at their will and testament.

He decided to continue his studies and as he graduated from college, he attained the title of being one of the Youngest Established Engineers of Baguio. Being the professional that he has become, he was able to own some properties in Antipolo, Makati, Alabang, Tagaytay, Olongapo, Puerto Princesa, and of course Baguio.

Timmy's childhood

I was treasuring this moment, enjoying the company of someone I thought was impossible to stay beside me. Everyday of this new week of my life was like a dream I just had in the far corners of my imagination.

How could it be possible that someone like Timmy Reyes will meet me half way in this journey? I certainly don't know how, but all I care about is the fact that he is here beside me. It seems as though every sugar coated lines are just pick-up lines I hear, but what I see lingers in my memories. Like it's not really a love relationship, but more of a friendship relationship that's been going on for quite some time.

When I'm at this point of savoring the moments, it felt like he was here, retelling me the life and how was it like to be when he was just a boy.

Timmy, the very professional looking debonaire caught my eye when we were in grade six and 1^st year high. The physical changes that occur to his features was just minimal. Looking at him now as to comparing how he looked like before was quite odd. He still looks good-looking but more mature.

All I could do for now was reminisce about how he reminded me of why I liked him before.

His posture was one of the most remarkable features that every girl in high school drools about. Being 5 ft. 8 inches tall, he was known as the consistent MVP for basketball in our high school days. The chick-magnet stands out among the rest because of his features that makes him a dashing debonaire.

He was really skinny when he was young, but he eventually managed to pick-up his weight as he worked his muscles out until he earned the medium built body type.

His complexion was a bit of a golden brown, coming from the days of hard work in serving the church. I used to recall the times when I can only remember his complexion, after working for more than 4 hours around the surroundings of the chapel for almost every other day.

He was the clean-cut-hottie. Every Adviser, Teacher and Year Level Head Supervisor, takes him as the role model for sporting the hippest and school-regulation-friendly haircut.

His descendants are of the Chinese nationals. With his chinito eyes, it's as if every girl that he set his eye on falls for him like a curse. And sure – I was one of them whom he not only set his eyes upon, but also was the center of every emotion he has when we were young.

His lips were the ones I never got the chance to stare at. Not because his are not kissable or appealing, but maybe because I was more intrigued and captivated by the eyes that stares back at me than the lips who talk less. Yes, he talks less. He's the quiet type. The serious type that will only speak when he wants to or needs to.

When we were young, we never got the chance to be friends. I tried to reach out to him, but he refused. So I thought as I grew older that he never wanted me to be his friend. And look what we have now?

It was quite a boom or bane for us. Even today, I can't help but think of possibilities of whether this relationship could work out for forever. For truth remains that his aunt and my aunt used to be close friends when we were young. They used to go to parties and dance the night away together with our uncles. But what they have now was far different from what they had before. It's as if they suddenly became worst enemies of some sort and if things get more clear to Timmy and I, then probably it will be troublesome to pick-up the pieces of the past to the present.

I never got the chance to open this up to him since he doesn't give much concern to whether we should continue this madness or just enjoy the ride. So, I guess we can cross the bridge if ever we get there.

Arnold and Timmy

It was our moment. We were flirting through the traffic as Timmy drove me to my haven. These past few days, it seems that the friendship part was slowly taking it's toll - to the extent that the more we see each other, the more we get to define the the more you hate the more you love part.

Suddenly it became no big deal to everyone. Of course, Hero was the most thrilled as soon as he found out that everything works well with his bestfriend and his sister. Enyah was also sharing her own version of I knew it! I told you, you're a match made in heaven! Stuffs. And Arnold? Well, he was taking things quite differently.

He was really busy these days. I think one of the biggest projects for the company was delicately assigned to their department, and because of that they need to work hard and test the software meticulously.

Speaking for how Arnold takes this responsibility, he just goes home to take a bath and change clothes. Like he was supposed to keep an eye to this project for 18 hours and rest for 2 hours or whatever. When he goes home, it's as if he really needs sleep but instead of sleeping for more hours... he still goes online and research or test the software for more errors.

I seldom check him when he's in the office, to make sure that he was eating on time or between hours. I know that his job was really logical and time consuming, detail-oriented and needs tons and tons of patience, - which is somehow hazardous to his health. I know it's stressful but sometimes, I can't help it. He needs to rest and eat on time. Otherwise he will get ill and he will be the cause of delay.

The bottomline is... Ever since he became busy with work, we rarely fight or argue about stuffs. And the worst part is that, I miss it. But I know and I understand that this project makes Arnold more mature and responsible.

Hmmm.. Do I really sound like the boy's mom? Cause c'mon! Whenever I open this to Enyah, Hero and Timmy, all they can say about it is that I sound like Arnold's mom. How could that be so possible? As a matter of fact, I haven't heard of his mom since the act and I think they were just guessing on how his mom reacts to his busy schedule. Or perhaps that's really maternal instinct? Ha! Ha!

Well, Arnold was not really paying attention to me. He's always not in the mood to talk or sometimes I just can see that he needs some sleep. So, I wasn't able to tell him about the real score between Timmy and I.

Well, there's nothing much, really. It's just that since he was always being called for at his office, Timmy temporarily took his role as my chauffeur during my Color-code Day. As a matter of fact, Timmy was spending most of his free time at the house, - making a different version of what Arnold and I used to do and was frequently accompanying me to almost everywhere.

It was pretty clear to us, but we are taking our sweet time. Timmy is not yet my boyfriend and he is not courting me. I think he was just making up for the bad image that made him the bad boy in my scenic life.

Timmy the unexpected

It's a Friday night. 10:30 P.M exactly. I am still at the office, doing the finishing touches of my presentation for Tuesday's Client Day. My cellphone just ran out of battery, I left my car at home because Arnold drove me to the office and I don't know who to call using the office's landline.

It's 11:15 P.M. I'm aware that it's Traffic-Zone-Friday because it's Gimik Night. No taxis in sight, and what sucks most is that I can't even call Arnold to pick me up because he was in his uber late office meeting.

At 11:45 P.M a black Mazda-3 was waiting outside the office's building. I recognize the plate no. and the professional cute looking guy who just stepped out of the car. But because I'm still clueless for whatever reason that he is here at the parking space of my office's building, I acted as if I didn't notice the guy and the car.

All the while, I thought that he was waiting for a chick to come out of the office, but 15 to 30 minutes later no chick ever came into view. The guy I knew was a bit uneasy, maybe because of waiting for quite some time. Still, he looks fresh and elegant, even if he already loosened his tie.

When he posed as if he was leaving, I made up my mind and showed up to him.

It was already 12:35 A.M.

As soon as he saw me heading to his place, he suddenly approached me and offered a hand in handling my things. He also acted as if he wasn't waiting for someone. He walked me to his car, opened the door for me and offered a ride home.

Since I'm so tired from the whole day of office work, I found no energy to refuse. Besides, I guess the other public vehicles are having a hard time getting to my workplace because of the traffic jam, and I think I'm just lucky to bump into this nice person to offer me a ride.

Inside the car, I realized that he was really waiting for me. When I thought that he was waiting for somebody else, he suddenly opened the topic and told me that he learned from Arnold that I do not have a ride home; That he cannot fetch me because the meeting was extended due to some technical problems in his workplace and that I left my car at home.

So it was Arnold who asked for a favor to his #1 enemy or should I say, rival. Nice gesture, Arnold. And yes, the guy who fetched me was the owner of the black Mazda-3 the classy hottie named Timmy.

“So you guys have been keeping-in-touch? Since when?”

“Uhm, since the time that you asked us to act as grown-ups.”

“So what now? You have become instant bros. in just a snap? Ha! Ha! Nice. I never thought that this was possible. So, how did Arnold call you? How did you know his no.?“

“Am I working with the police now? Or a friendship historian? Ha! Ha! Well, I was checking on you so I asked your brother. But seems you prohibited Hero to call you at the office so he doesn't know how to reach you. And I was also trying to call you on your phone but your phone was dead. So, I've got no other choice but ask Hero for Arnold's no. and I learned that even he was prohibited to call you at the office. So the good guy gave me the address of your office, and here I am.“

“OKAY. So you were checking on me? Huh? Why?“

“Because pretty little miss, the more I see you the more I get addicted to you.”

“Hmmm.. Lame. Do you honestly believe that I'll believe in your sugar coated lame joke? Okay, here's the reward laugh.. Ha! Ha! Happy? … Besides, why does a guy like you feel that – if it's for real?”

''I don't know. Maybe because you're fun to be with. Like, I enjoy every moment that we're together.''

''So Mister Sweet Candy, were you really waiting for me for the whole 3o minutes? Cause I was just at the corner watching you as you wait for the surprising chick that will pop on the door of my office building a while ago.''

“You just didn't do that?“

“I just did. And you know what? You look hotter when you loosened that tie from afar.“

''You're not flirting with me now, aren't you?“

“I'm just telling the truth. And to answer you're previous inquiries, Yes. Everybody that I love was prohibited to call me at my office because I don't want people to eat my time when I'm working.”

''But what if it's an emergency?”

“I have a cellphone, don't worry. But it just died out because I also left my charger at home.”

“So you love them, huh? You love Arnold?!?“

“What the heck are you talking about? Of course! Of course not! I mean of course I love him because he's my friend. But of course not in the same manner that you think. Okay? So shut up now, before I forgot that I'm just hitching your car.“

“Somebody was explaining. Hmm.. guilty?“

“I'm not. I just prevented you from thinking … oh, what's that look all about?”

“So you like him?”

“Does it matter now? We're not even an item. So shut it, okay?”

“So, I have a chance?”

“Chance to what?”

“Chance to be yours, silly.”

“I don't know. Maybe. I'm just not that sure, because we still have a lot of catching up to do. Thanks Tim, for doing these for me. I really appreciate it. For now, I wish this is just right for you, just as it is for me.”

“Okay Sweet Pea, just remember that I'm always here for you.”

“Thanks Mister Sweet Candy”

The emotional wrecked

Sorry.

I became emotional again. I guess, my subconscious is reminding me of good times and bad times from my past. The type of past that I was trying to avoid all along. Even before Brenth came.

The adrenalin rush of having somebody for a while. A momentary loss.

I dare not to mention the person again. I am moving on, still. After many years. It's just that he was a part of my life and no matter how bitter I became, he will never be nothing to me.

The after experience was mentioned in Chapter thirty four and I do not wish to open the chapter of who he was in my life back then. I guess, it was a proper exposure to let him in to this book. And that's final.

So, I guess it's just right to let destiny make it's way to our lives. I believe that Timmy and I had arrived in a certain point of maturity when it comes to the type and kind of relationship that we are in.

We make ample decisions and enough mistakes to learn. Whatever it is that belonged to my past, I will treasure. Some of it might be about happiness and sadness, but every bit of it makes me hole.

With these memories, they made me better, wiser, and stronger. And I will live by.

The song that keeps my heart singing

Breath taking.

The following nights were just pure bonding moment for Timmy and me. Never did he pull any romantic tricks and thoughts, and that keep us from spending the time together wisely. I suddenly realized that we share little things in common, and most things differently. It seemed that our differences was seen in a negative manner that we ended up thinking that a friendship like this is impossible to happen back then.

With the help of friends, the conclusion became a hypothesis – as if the end was just a message expressing an opinion based on incomplete evidence. If not for the past, things could have worked like this. Better. But I guess, it's just right. Because if we ever started right and ended up as strangers – then probably we will just be a memory that felt like a happy dream.

If things did work out and we were this good back then, and things just have to end in a drastic manner.. I wouldn't want to know how bad it will get. Though, we didn't end up that way, I still know how it feels.

We could end up as strangers, even if we knew each other so well. And things just have to end and start anew with other people, as if being friends wasn't possible. As if neither of us existed in each others lives. We could have crossed each others paths and act as if we've seen nothing. We could have seen each others faces without feeling guilty for staring. We could have smiled to each other for no reason at all. But it's not like that, and it's not as easy as it seems.

It's quite hard and harsh. Yet, I believe that we just have to go on and feel free. Go with the flow and enjoy every moment left, before the chapter ends.

It's nice on the contrary to be dealing with excruciating pain and avoid it. To get away from reality from time to time. To fly, to party, to die a little, to pretend, to lie to yourself, to be envious. To wish that it's still you that he's with.

But as time flies, it just makes things even worse. Cause you can never turn back time, and he will never come back as much as you want him to. He, being your best friend won't be there no matter how loud you scream his name. He will never be there to save you from sadness, danger and pain. He will never be there to wipe your tears. He will never be there when you need him. Cause he don't know you anymore.

You won't ever share the same things with him. You won't ever laugh with him till your tummy aches. You won't spend the dawn, the same nights and days, because half of you was robbed away... and he will never be retrieved no matter how much effort you exert. Because he doesn't have any plans to return.

Why am I saying these? It's because I'm thankful that Timmy and I are spending good times together. It's like putting asphalt in my hollow heart, paving the pain and emptiness away. Though, you can never blame me from feeling this fear because I once felt every bad thing that I've mentioned. And this fear is eating 5% of my happiness and contentment because it's threatening me.

Yet, I know I shouldn't let this fear to eat me and threaten me. Because I will savor each moment and I will do my best not to blew it. I just hope and pray that he will do the same and invite me to embrace change as it comes. That he won't ever leave me hanging and suffering.

Why pick flowers in the category?

Flowers in the morning, breath taking smile, efforts of enduring arguments, designs, preparations, tricks, rivalry, competition, beauty, envy, pain, friendship, love, agony, hatred, devastation, frustration, admiration, determination.

These are the things that enveloped my mind for the whole day. It was like a feeling of confusion and uncertainty. It keeps me wondering why these two gorgeous men are going gaga over somebody like me. For A SUDDEN change of air. It's as if they are bound to compete for my attention like it's a price for the efforts they make.

Caroline, my girl-sweet-sister-best friend, other than Enyah and my brother Hero, was pointing the evident truth about the scenarios of the day. She was saying that Timmy totally dig my precious simple taste. Sounds, flowers, smile, get-up, everything. It was like, according to her, the cutest and simplest thing that made Timmy out-shined Arnold.

Though, as she put it, Arnold struck me the most romantic gesture, it still makes things incomplete. For whatever reason she said it I don't know. But heck, it feels that whatever she means by that she was totally right.

Please don't get me wrong. I like tulips and roses but I Love Chrysanthemums better. I was quite flustered with the morning event. It was as if, I must prepare for the day because something big will happen. And yet, hours to go and I must call it a night and none of it was special in any manner.

I can't help but think of it as if they are challenging themselves into a tug-of-war, me as the prize. And I can't help but think of the reasons why they suddenly came up with these idea. Why pick flowers in the category? Why do they have to confuse me this way?

I am not in love yet. Not after the pain that I've been with Arnold. And as I see to it that he's making up for all the things he caused me, it was like the feelings just faded away – like it was just a memory. Like it was just something that I felt for a moment and was gone as time passed by. As soon as I wanted to rekindle the memories, it was like a friendly reminder of all the reasons why we should be careful with our actions most especially here in the house.

Reputations, gossips, and things that could possibly break within our boundaries should be well taken care of. So, as I get by and move on. Timmy doing his best to make up for the long time and to be friend me was working. It felt real and natural like air. But now, I don't think that whatever he did last time was a major competitive move. Hence, I think of it as a refreshing move to make friends with me.

Morning surprise

What is the most basic thing to do when you woke up in bed at a very dreamy state and things still felt like dreaming?

I woke up at 6.30 in the morning, and was surprised to see Arnold sitting at the very corner of my bed. He was waiting for me to stretched my arms and smile at him, but I didn't. To his surprise, he just stared blankly at me, and gestured the lovely flowers that was all over my bed. With all the yellow roses all over the room, and the comfort room.

I was quite taken aback, I wanted to be surprised but I keep on holding my reactions. For the next few minutes brought me to a nice breakfast in the veranda, where in I definitely stop by every morning before I fixed myself for work.

It was one good morning, and a shocking one too. It was the first gesture he ever did to show me, what? I don't know. Until I suddenly remember the last time we argued. It was all about me, and him. It was all about 'how he feels about me'. And is this one of those “statements”, wherein it goes to show how much he feels about me? A major Effort?

Shock reigned over me, but I wasn't able to savor the best of his efforts because I have to work.

And more shocking sight to take me by surprise!

Timmy also prepared something for me. I don't know if they talked about it, or it's just pure coincidence. But one thing, 'though. I hope it's not a product of rivalry. Like, to whom will Hana be for the day?

And I am still clueless. If this is about the rivalry, they are gonna be seeing each other forever, without me.

Okay. What did Timmy prepared for the good morning?

Hmmmmm..

No flowers on the driveway, no scattered petals, or something magical. No breakfast on the road. But a huge heartbreaking smile, and a shiny black Mazda 3 with soothing songs for the morning. As he waited for me at the gate of the house, it appears that he was waiting for me for hours already. Sweat was dripping on his forehead, but he still smells clean and he still looks presentable. In a matter of minutes, as I emerged from the door to the gate, he went straight to where I was standing and gave me the most good morning smile, and the freshest of the beautiful flowers that I love the most.

The flowers Timmy gave me are far beyond the kind of flowers Arnold designed for me at the house. Timmy gave me a bunch of my favorite Chrysanthemums pink, red and yellow, while Arnold gave me a very delicately designed blue and yellow petals of Roses and Tulips.

The real deal between Bryyan and me

I don't like dying people. But it's reality. When Enyah suddenly came into the picture, and decided to stay at her hometown for the rest of her life – I never thought that her involvement in my life would be quite huge.

It sucks to hear and accept the fact about her homecoming. But what sucks more is the idea that she was trying to ruin something that was already non-existing. I was fine, and living my life until she decided to bring back the old stuffs. The stuffs that are too old to be rekindled. The stuffs that according to my own perception only exists in my past.

And that brings us to my childhood and the friends that I used to associate childhood with.

BBPJ. Also known as 'Bryyan' 'Benchi' 'Polo' and 'Jowl', weren't boy band from the 90's, but were known as my friends back then. What has really gotten to us was a history from the previous chapters that I wouldn't want to recall. Not now, not ever.

See, I am not getting any bitter here. But it really gets into my nerves. Enyah, of all the girl friends I know, suddenly came up with a mission as she returned. Yes, it was the same idiotic idea that my brother came up with when he decided to set me up with Enyah's brother, Timmy.

And now this pretty young lady who was enjoying the rest of her life was taking advantage of everything she got, for me and the old friends to kiss and make up. And who am I to object? She is sick and dying, and I have a lot more time to tolerate her crap and straighten things up. And if anything gets to worse? I'll have more time to continue living the life that I currently have right now.

What's her point? Hmmm.. She just wants me to put the grudges against BBPJ to the very far corner of my consciousness, and eventually be friends again with the four people from the dark past. And how does she want to start the mission?

She came up with the very idea of putting Polo at the limelight and without me knowing, somebody was about to steal the spotlight to Polo. In fact, he was at the very spot where I really love to do my stuffs. Yes, he was currently hanging out in my favorite spot. Comfortably.

When Polo announced Bryyan's name, I thought it was the end of me. Why is he here? And what the heck is he planning to make out of this show?

Turns out that Bryyan was about to say crappy stuffs, the ones that I know I'm about to hear and not eager to listen to. And with Arnold at the garden, Enyah at her house, Timmy at the doorstep.. I just couldn't contain this surprise, shock and hysteria!

Why do they have to appear little by little at my doorstep, every new week of my life?

The issue with Timmy wasn't even over yet! And the friendship hasn't started it's toll. And now this new entity. Bryyan. What does he want from me?

He was a crappy thing. Much crappy than Timmy ever had been. For one, he WAS my FRIEND. And I almost thought that his family was a bit close or next to mine. He was one of my biggest crush when I realize that a child could ever feel such feeling. We went to parties together and I thought that when we reach a certain age, something might be romantically cooking for us.

BUT things change. And people change. And his fairly odd sisters are not so fairy at all. Not now, or ever. The fairytale of us being together at this age too soon, was a nightmare for me. And I don't wanna go back to where things started.

I don't want Bryyan to ever land on my new life ever. Even if this means everything to Enyah. Because it doesn't mean anything to me.

And yes, this fairytale that I once dreamed for Bryyan and I was already translated to Arnold's arms. But what about Timmy? I don't know. I do not wish for Timmy's major come back, but now that he's here. I'm quite confused to what, where or which does the story leads me.