I am not scared of falling

When my brother called me up the day after the argument, then was the time that I told him about how things are doing.

Everything is getting worst. He really wants his plan to push through but I cannot handle it.

“That’s because you’re scared of everything.” You cannot blame me on that. I had my reasonable share of everything.

“But I think he likes you.” Likes me! Wake up! He don’t. He’s just doing these things for his mom. He was just paranoid that his mom finally approved someone he likes. But we are not in that set-up. We are not in any way in the process of liking each other. We’re just friends, for Pete’s sake.

“I told you.. he wouldn’t just do that or decide or plan to do such things if he himself doesn’t have a thing for you.” Stop that crap. We are never gonna be like that. He doesn’t think of me that way. He’s just plain.. stupid! Pffffftttt.. this is stressing me out. I wanna go out. Go elsewhere and forget about what happened.

“And where do you plan to go? You cannot just go! You have work. You don’t have enough resources to pay the house and with that you cannot just walk away from these things.” Then I’ll barge in your place.

“No! You cannot do that. I also have some things going on here. And I can handle this situation more than you do. Besides, you have separate lives, separate rooms, separate… just do your things on your own.” Ok. It’s clear. You don’t want me in your place. Then I’ll kill myself in my nest. Aaargh!

“What’s so difficult with doing things on your own? Don’t tell me you were sharing moments together in that house? That you are eating together, watching TV/DVD together.. bonding together?!?”

I decided to get myself enough silence. My brother is killing me, much more than I want to kill myself before I hang-up the phone. He was really getting into every detail of what’s happening in the house.

“No kidding? You are really doing stuffs together! My my.. Maybe that’s the reason why his mom likes you. Maybe that’s the reason why he is hyped-up in telling you his plans. Maybe it’s one of the reasons why he likes you to be involve in his plans. Because somehow, perhaps you’re doing magical things to him!” Is this my brother? Well, I haven’t ever heard you speak of magical things when we were at home. I never thought that you have such idea when it comes to these things.

“Hey, don’t switch the topic on me. This is not about me. This is about you. He likes you. And your silence confirmed that it’s true. It’s possible that anytime now you’re gonna be in the same page and both of you don’t have to pretend anymore. .. Well, that’s if he will make an effort in pretending he likes you…” Stop it! It’s never gonna be that way! I.. I really didn’t imagine that these things are possible. It could also be wrong. Whatever your theories are will just be theories and I don’t wanna go through proving any of it.

Staying with him in one house is wrong. What’s keeping these things so wrong is that I never thought of these coming. I shook myself. I don’t wanna give in to my brother’s theories. No. what I mean by that is it’s wrong to keep the bait. We are just friends. And nothing more.

“I told you it’s gonna happen. His parents aren’t convinced you are not into each other, and with him liking you.” Don’t push it. Okay. So you’re right. I believe you now. But please don’t push it.

“I just want to remind you, my dear little Hana.. always think of you’re reason for being there. If any of our parents found out about these.. you won’t be getting any paybacks from the owner of that house you’re living in, and probably you will be having your worst nightmare with mom.” Okay. Thanks brother. Sincerely? I forgot about everything. I forgot about my purpose. And I can’t believe I’m captivated by his rules. Aaaarrrgh!