My sacrifice

That was it. It was a blast. I wasn't ready for it but she made me. I don't know yet if I should tell this to Timmy, but I guess Enyah will eventually tell him what happened during the phone call.

I don't know. I was quite occupied about him being around, that I almost forgot that even before he met me, he has his own life to live. And sure Enyah was right for telling me where I stand.

That we don't have a relationship. Four months was ongoing and yet we are still in the same level as the first night that he fetch me at my office.

Still, I don't have the heart to tell him that we must pick up the pace. Why? Because before it was a feeling of uncertainty and fear. But now, it's more of the idea that I must teach him how to prioritize and be responsible and much mature about life.

I guess, we still have an ample time to continue whatever we have and for now, things must be in order before we go on to be together.

I am saying this not because I know him as an irresponsible and immature type of person, but rather because his career and family needs him now more than myself.

After this, I was able to talk to him and tell him my side of the story. His sister was right. I must not interfere with his life because it has been tampered with my presence. That I have decided to give him time to focus on the things that makes him a better brother and true to it's name.. the best Engineer, not only in Baguio but for everybody too.

Of course at first he disagreed, like the Timmy that Enyah was pointing out the last time we talked. He told me that he couldn't bear my decision. That it was not the same with how Enyah envisioned us together. That I knew better than Enyah. That I must remain on his side as he continue his role in the family business and the crisis, the problem and his being an Engineer.

But at that moment, I have made up my mind. Things could get better if he wouldn't have time to think of me. That he could be more attentive and much more deserving to his title. That at that time, I have to tell him what I know was best for him.

“You're family needs you now more than ever. Enyah is dying. She cannot be stressed yet she is dealing with this because she knows that you have a lot of things going on. You're company needs you. And you are an Engineer. And I? I am just a phone call away. I am you're friend. We have arrived at this level the moment that you decided to meet me. And it will never change no matter what. But how could you do so many things at this point in time, where everybody needs you more than I do?

“I have been telling you this for almost everyday this week that I am not competing with anyone, not ever. And I don't want to compete with anything that concerns your time. I need you too more than I want you. But they need you more and it's so little time. I swear I can wait. I vow that I will wait. Nothing will change.

“Right now, they need you as a brother, as an Engineer, as a boss, as the CEO, as one of the most powerful source that can touch lives and make it better. I am not saying that I don't want you anymore. But sometimes we have to sacrifice the things that makes us happy in order for us to become the better person that we aim to be.”

Of course. He didn't like that. What it felt for him, was that I betrayed him the life that he dreamed he will live with me. As much as I made it clear that nothing will change and I will forever be here, for him what just makes sense is that I am pushing him away to achieve greater glory and distance to make him much of the professional that everybody wants him to be.

He cannot understand, yet. But I know he will. He wish that I won't regret letting him go for others' sake. I don't know, I fear, but I must not let fear take me. I must trust him to do his job and to take care of the lives that others depend on him.