Breath taking.
The following nights were just pure bonding moment for Timmy and me. Never did he pull any romantic tricks and thoughts, and that keep us from spending the time together wisely. I suddenly realized that we share little things in common, and most things differently. It seemed that our differences was seen in a negative manner that we ended up thinking that a friendship like this is impossible to happen back then.
With the help of friends, the conclusion became a hypothesis – as if the end was just a message expressing an opinion based on incomplete evidence. If not for the past, things could have worked like this. Better. But I guess, it's just right. Because if we ever started right and ended up as strangers – then probably we will just be a memory that felt like a happy dream.
If things did work out and we were this good back then, and things just have to end in a drastic manner.. I wouldn't want to know how bad it will get. Though, we didn't end up that way, I still know how it feels.
We could end up as strangers, even if we knew each other so well. And things just have to end and start anew with other people, as if being friends wasn't possible. As if neither of us existed in each others lives. We could have crossed each others paths and act as if we've seen nothing. We could have seen each others faces without feeling guilty for staring. We could have smiled to each other for no reason at all. But it's not like that, and it's not as easy as it seems.
It's quite hard and harsh. Yet, I believe that we just have to go on and feel free. Go with the flow and enjoy every moment left, before the chapter ends.
It's nice on the contrary to be dealing with excruciating pain and avoid it. To get away from reality from time to time. To fly, to party, to die a little, to pretend, to lie to yourself, to be envious. To wish that it's still you that he's with.
But as time flies, it just makes things even worse. Cause you can never turn back time, and he will never come back as much as you want him to. He, being your best friend won't be there no matter how loud you scream his name. He will never be there to save you from sadness, danger and pain. He will never be there to wipe your tears. He will never be there when you need him. Cause he don't know you anymore.
You won't ever share the same things with him. You won't ever laugh with him till your tummy aches. You won't spend the dawn, the same nights and days, because half of you was robbed away... and he will never be retrieved no matter how much effort you exert. Because he doesn't have any plans to return.
Why am I saying these? It's because I'm thankful that Timmy and I are spending good times together. It's like putting asphalt in my hollow heart, paving the pain and emptiness away. Though, you can never blame me from feeling this fear because I once felt every bad thing that I've mentioned. And this fear is eating 5% of my happiness and contentment because it's threatening me.
Yet, I know I shouldn't let this fear to eat me and threaten me. Because I will savor each moment and I will do my best not to blew it. I just hope and pray that he will do the same and invite me to embrace change as it comes. That he won't ever leave me hanging and suffering.
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