WE

I guess I was wrong. I guess I shouldn’t put up a fight like that. Nothing is stopping me nor changing my mind. But I can’t just do these things as if it’s so natural. Every time I try to do my own stuffs, I just can’t put myself together and not think of him. To not think of him and what he is doing in his own workplace. Doing things alone like eating, laughing to some TV series that we used to love watching, going to the groceries and other stuffs.

I guess all my heart can say is that.. it’s hollow without him. My happy place isn’t as happy and as normal as it is. The usual noise that I usually get annoyed to was gone, and it was like some thing’s missing. And true to that word.. I guess, I miss him.

Five more days, and it was like forever. He was trying to talk to me. There were times that he forgot that we are not in speaking terms, and he just talks to me randomly as if every thing’s good. It was hard. It was hard to ignore him, as if he was just someone talking in the commercial in the TV. And it’s torturing me, because I know deep inside me that I miss him and I want to speak to him so much.

I miss being with him. Talking to him about random stuffs, work, family, us. The very nature of one common ground, the friendship that has been taking us to miles of never feeling boredom as time flies.

It kills me to feel this torture I am in. I know that I am in a bad shape. It feels like I’ve been to many wars and suicides, but when I calmed down and thought about these things over.. then I realize that I had my own biases. My selfishness had led me to hate him and had made me make the wrong decisions. I am not happy because I took things my way. This isn’t about us, this is just about me.