Move.

I know what you are thinking. What gives me the right to play the cards right when I myself can’t even make my life as purposeful as it seems?

What am I doing with my own life after engulfing myself with work? With running away from marriage proposals and turning down prospect dates and prospect heroes?

Brenth and Bryyan, my parents and Bryyan’s dad, Hero, Caroline and Enyah. They were always there but I never acted upon anything. I was constantly running away with what they want me to do. I am constantly battling with my own desires, that every plan that I used to have had already faltered.

Right now, all I can say is that.. my own life is a mess.

I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where to begin. All I have is my career. And yes, I am still in the ropes struggling to forget Timmy.

I’ve been writing about my work for the past chapters probably as a scapegoat to the other issues in my personal life. Other than work, I have been contemplating about my parents’ idea of marriage.

I don’t blame them for thinking that I am.. once again, dealing with my career more than giving time for myself. Even when I was studying, I am prioritizing so much for my future that I become restless and super preoccupied.

They want me to engage to someone and not into something. They have been telling me to give one person a chance to be friends with me and start a new friendship. So soon, we can have a relationship et cetera.

But that’s not what I want. Well, not yet. I know, I am still not stable and I don’t want to meet someone new and start all over again. Meeting someone and being with someone practically needs time, and I don’t have time for that now.

Besides, after what I’ve been through with Timmy, I realized that I cannot just go and be in a relationship again. Looking back, it took me years and months before we became an item and I bet it’s gonna be longer for it to happen again.

from me to you

I know all these stuffs because I’ve been there. It’s effective because that’s what I did. Save the depression and some of the dilemmas. Save the burning of things from me to you. Save the things that will remind you of each other.

But at the end of all the you thought.. depression, it will just come like everything must go on and move on and I will start today.

I was never cheated. Not with Timmy’s absence, not with Arnold’s busy schedule, not with everybody’s attendance.

I believe that things happen for a reason. We decide because that’s what we think is best. We end up doing safety measures because for us, it will help us with our growth and self searching.

I really want to help Tyke about this because I don’t want him to waste his time to such person that can really destroy him. I want to save him from getting hurt just because of his ex’s finding herself without him.

It’s just unfair. Tyke doesn’t deserve her and I wanted Tyke to know that because that’s how it is.

I want him to get hurt but end up winning at the end. I want him to face this without cowardly just partying and sulking. I want him to act on it for him to find his real happiness.

Who is she to do that to him? Who does she think she is? If Tyke was really furious about what happened to him, I feel the same way. However, that doesn’t give him a ticket to get emotional about her infidelity.

Comforting Tyke

It did seem like I’ve been wishing for you to call and text me after your being AWOL. I still feel cheated when you left me without saying a word and I even feel miserable for not hearing anything from you ‘til now.

It just feels not right. Forgive me for saying this but I think you deserve to hear every single word that I am about to say.

YOU don’t deserve her. The same way that she don’t deserve you.

If she cheated, let her do her stuff. It just proves that she didn’t love you the same way that you thought she did. Face it! She cheated because there’s a lot that’s wrong with her and not with you. Probably she didn’t have the guts to stay with you because she knows that you don’t deserve her. And please, please, please… don’t blame yourself for what she did. Don’t try to cover up for her! Covering up for every mistake she did won’t make you feel any better. Just face it! She has a lot of things going on in her sick mind that she let go somebody like you.

If you felt defeated because she had someone this easy, don’t feel devastated. PLEASE. Instead, please feel sorry for her. ‘Cause it just means that the guy that she is seeing now is also a loser like her. A guy who lets himself be fooled with someone like her, a rebound. It just sucks to hear and realize that the person you used to love and now you call your ex left you for a third party. But.. it doesn’t mean that it ends there. What goes around comes around. REMEMBER THAT. So if she was able to do that to you, sooner or later, she will end up doing the same thing to her present bf.

You don’t have to cry a river for her. She doesn’t deserve even a teardrop from you for every mess she made. Crying for someone who is as selfish as she is, doesn’t deserve any of your attention. Prove to her that you can do anything and everything without her. Show her that you are having the time of your life now that you are not together. Do stuff that you know will makes her feel envious, insecure and intimidated. For the time being that you had been together, I know.. you know these things. Do things that she really hates but makes you feel comfortable. Make her feel left out. That life doesn’t suck without her, instead it ROCKS.

Live your life the way you should have been living. As if you didn’t knew her. What would your life be if you didn’t meet her? What could you be doing now? What would be your achievements? What makes you happy? What makes you feel successful? What is your life now, considering the last time before you met her?

Watermark

Yes, I would love to be there and hug you. Once again, or for the last time. But we know that a lot has changed. You have your own set of friends, and I am still stuck with our old friends. Well, there’s nothing wrong with our old friends, in fact, I really appreciate that we still have each other despite the time. But sometimes, you seem to be way too far to reach that us, your old friends, don’t feel much comfort when you’re near.

With you feeling these things alone and I can’t even reach out to touch you, I feel so even more helpless.

We were in speaking terms once again after quite some time, and I admit that I really missed it so much. After 2 weeks of not hearing anything from you, I learned from your aunt and my boss that you’re going to Canada for a long vacation. You never mentioned anything when we were still together, and boom! You’re gone.

It was like I was left alone in something that you almost let me in to join you, next thing I know you’re at the other side of the world and doing your stuff without even bothering to inform me.

It’s not actually feeling left-out. It’s more of betrayal of trust. It’s like us, bonding once again – felt like the old days which made me believe that it’s one way of catching up and we’ll be able to continue everything from where we left off. Only to find out that it’s a onetime big time scam!

From then on, it feels like I just dreamt of being with you and spending time with you. Yes, like you never really existed, only in my dreams, only in my thoughts but never really belonging to my now life.

Tyke's story

"There are things that you practically see because it is what the naked eye wants to show you. But when you know for yourself that many things today can deceive you by the minute, you will if not fully understood how it is then somehow will get a hold of what I am now.”

“I’m still trapped with mom’s biggest dreams for me. Yet, as my aunt Carice, wants me to run the company for her, I soon took the responsibility, stepped-up and learned the life of being the boss. Although of course this is not my dream, this is not what I wanted, but I do believe that this is my legacy.

“I am a Dentist. Following my heart I am having a second course as a Surgeon. These are my own plans. But as I try to make things handy with the best improvement that I can get and I can give, I am trying to suit my life with responsibility and passion in my own career.

“I soon learned to love being in my aunt’s office, as the boss, as a co-worker, as a person, as an ordinary person. It’s quite different to be in the field of medicine, though. Patience and patients, this is the life.

“Now I am saying that what you see isn’t what you get. Do you know why I am alone in this resto a couple of days ago? … No? One thing. I know this is cliché but this is applicable for me. This suits me best because I can never have anything and everything.

“Just a month ago, my girl friend and I broke up. She decided to pursue her dreams in California. And I was left here hanging, telling me that I am not part of her dreams. She wanted to be successful in the course of her taking, and I don’t belong to any success she made or will make.

“I fought for her in every battle I know. I thought we fought together to stick with each other but I guess I was wrong. I gave her everything there is to give, I made her reach some things that she can’t by herself, and yet it seems as though I was nothing to her.

“I feel deserted, after giving my all I ended up being alone. My friends were there for me. But their presence will not be like her presence. I don’t want to think that she just used me. I would rather put it in a way that I helped her…. But never mind.”

He was deserted. For his love of his life left him over her career. She used him, it is seen clearly in his trail of thought, but he would rather put it as helping her. I know how hurt he is now, because I used to feel that way back when everything is fresh with Timmy. But I guess, he must learn to live life through these obstacles.

There was a desire to touch him and comfort him. For once I had been his childhood best friend, anyway. But as he put it clearly, her presence will not be the same with my presence.

Dinner with Tyke

Yes, Tyke is still Tyke and so Tyke that I wish Caroline could only see the real Tyke after adolescent. Gawd, yes he was cute back then and now he’s hot but that’s not it.

If Caroline only saw what happened to Tyke now. Yes, looks might be deceiving alright, she might even think that there’s no way a hot guy like him will experience such thing but it doesn’t matter.

I know. You are supposed to ask me how I knew these things, even if I was not saying anything about anything in the previous entries.

Well, let’s just say that things happen unexpectedly. As I remember, I said that there’s no way that I will ever get to know this high-profile-professional in this after adolescent period but I think I underestimated things.

After the impromptu song, and Caroline’s fine dining, another incident called my attention in the parking lot. Tyke’s car was unbelievably simple and not-so-very Tyke. Imagine a Dentist/practicing Surgeon in a Nissan X-trail! Gawd, just Nissan!

Before I saw him in the parking lot, I was like salivating for the life that he has. I actually caught myself wishing for things that he might actually have or had or whatever. And this gibberish was like… “What-the-hell was that car doing in Theodore Yankee’s facade?!” Only to find out that it really did was his car.

I was shocked deep inside of me, although I don’t want to conceal in my face the surprise. He indeed had a not-so-much life after all, I guess. Or probably he did bought the car by himself with his own earnings.

I was like 10 minutes staring at him and at his car and totally blacked out from the real happening, when he suddenly smiled at me and waved with the synchronized “hi!” that I don’t usually hear in the new department.

He did notice me and my surprise as I stared blankly at his car.

“Wanna hang-out in Chapter forty five?” He asked.

When he said hi, I was snapped back to reality but then as he asked me to go to the adolescent’s favorite resto, I was in deep shock that I almost forgot to close my mouth in outmost shock.

Chapter forty five is a resto that was owned by our community leader in our hometown. Because Caroline, Hero, Arnold, Brenth, Timmy, Bryyan, Tyke and the rest are also from the said community, it has been everybody’s favorite place as time showed no evidence and never missed how it is to be young and nostalgic.

“I never thought that you’d ever hang-out again in Chapter forty five. It has been, what? Years, ever since I could ever imagine that someone like you would ever step into our favorite place.” I was still in shock as I replied and you can see it in my blabbering.

“Hey, that’s not true. I know you’ve seen me there just a couple of days ago. You never thought that I noticed you and Caroline at the farthest corner of the resto, right? Or.. You just didn’t notice me or you just didn’t think that I’m aware that you saw me?”

I actually don’t know what to say. Yes, we saw him, in fact, Caroline was so excited to talk to him and approach him and rekindle the days and the like, but I know and I must admit, that I was so scared to see the real him after office hours.

There at the office was a boss, who knows what he is doing and who knows what he says and what to accomplish. But if we did approach him then and acted as for old times’ sake, then probably we won’t end up talking about this now.

“Yes, we saw you. Caroline wants to approach you but I hesitated. Thinking that approaching you will make things different…”

He cut me in the middle, expressing that he wants to know why I reacted that way.

“You saw me but you hesitated. Why?” He started interrogating me.

“I don’t know. Probably because I don’t know what it’s like to talk to you like this. That I just want to be professional as we speak in the office and leave it there. I don’t think that this is intimidation, rather, that I practically don’t know what to say after everything. Besides a lot has changed. You are now much different than we last saw you, although we know that you are so much capable of being everything you wanted. I was just so much different from the type of people that you basically hang-out with and I don’t wanna feel much less than I know.”

“You might be right, but I know somehow you are wrong.”

Dad's no.1

Yes. Tyke is so Tyke.

I know that he belongs to my past. He was my childhood best friend. But then… things changed.

Who would have guessed or even imagined that this guy who happens to be my childhood best friend is now my big boss’s nephew. A professional in his own right. A very very respectable surgeon and dentist.

Just like Brenth who takes medicine as his passion, Tyke also followed his heart in pursuing his dream as a dentist/surgeon that he aspires to be.

I guess my mom is still clueless about Tyke’s comeback. As well as dad, because if mom’s personal favorite is Brenth, then dad’s no. 1 would be Tyke.

Yes. Mom wants a doctor, she likes and loves Brenth as her own son because Brenth loves children and he is currently practicing it through his profession as a Pediatrician.

While dad’s personal favorite, Theodore Yankee or Tyke, is a graduate of Dentistry and as I’ve heard is still finishing his studies as a surgeon.

Introducing Tyke

There were moments that Caroline will call me and ask me to have lunch with her. We always dine at our favorite resto and to our surprise one afternoon, we saw high-profiled professional dining alone.

“What is he doing here? When did he come back? Why didn’t you tell me that he was around?” Caroline was so anxious to know about h-p-p.

“I have every intention to tell you that he is here. It’s just that I’m really busy with work, because you know how hard it is to be moved to another world…”

“I know how it is. But you still should have told me that your brother’s most hated person was just here in the vicinity! Gosh! What if Hero finds out?”

“Then.. Let him know. Hero doesn’t own this place. So he doesn’t have any right to act so immature about h-p-p’s come back!”

“Why do you keep calling Theodore Yankee h-p-p? Is there something that I should know?”

“Ok. I’ll tell you everything. He’s my boss. Well not really. Technically speaking.. Tyke was taking over his aunt’s position because of business matters and stuff. So he was here. I can’t believe it either. I was still in shock after 2 weeks. What’s worse is that he made me sing just a month ago in the middle of a presentation.”

“So Tyke was your boss and he made you sing? And what else?”

“I was calling him high-profiled-professional because he really looked so much different than the last time I saw him. It’s as though we are in two different worlds and I cannot reach him. He was soo changed, so handsome.”

“Yeah, I know. I can see him from here. But what’s the fuss all about? Why was he here? I thought he was having a great life in Australia?”

“I actually don’t know. I’m not updated anymore regarding his life and stuff.”

“Why don’t we go to his table and say hi to him? Perhaps, he can still remember me and the old days…”

“You can go if you want, but I can’t. You know how it is with work and personal stuff can’t mix together. And I really don’t care anymore. He must have changed a lot and it’s crazy. I don’t want him to pull tricks again on the next conference or wherever.”

“What are you so afraid of? Tyke is so Tyke. He is still Tyke no matter what. Don’t act foolish and stop being a 13 year old.”

Cruel intentions

I can’t help but observe these people. They wore corporate attires as if they will be having conferences everywhere and every day. Nobody wears preppy clothes not even smart casual.

On my first day I almost looked like a coffee maker when I dressed up with my usual smart casual clothes. I received a memo from high-profiled professionaland I was asked to report on his office.

He really looks so handsome with his suit. He looks like the male lead star of “Cruel Intentions.” It took me almost 3 minutes of staring at him before responding to his queries.

His secretary, Desmont, can’t stop his ass from laughing at my face.

And when he snapped his fingers, it was then that I came back to reality.

After three weeks, we had a meeting for the next issue. The meeting was quite long and a bit boring, so what he did surprised me big time!

He called my full name again with every intention to break the ice. The league was surprised that he knows my name quite well, but it was not the end of the surprise because I was even more humiliated when he asked me to sing at the middle of the presentation.

At that time, all I could ever think of was..

If I’m not in this office and I’m not under your hands.. I should have said no and regret this.

But when he looked me in the eyes and smiled, I can’t afford to say no.

So he made me sang his favorite song.

As I end the last line, the league applause and I felt my cheeks turn red.

This is me

Two months of working in another department, with new people and new environment. I was indeed nervous and surprised as the high-profiled dentist/surgeon came into view.

He really was here. As if he was the boss. He always talks with so much conviction that I cringe so much when I listen to him. It feels like he knows what he was saying and he means it. He really is a high-profiled educated professional.

The reason why the high-profiled professional and I met was because I was redirected by my old department to a tougher league.

He was here as a substitute to the big boss of “Seasons”. Yes, I was redirected to a 3-based genre mag. Seasons is about music, fashion, and arts.

I am currently writing about different things. And the high-profiled professional was here because of his aunt and not because of anything related to his profession.

So for two months, I am really challenged to this new course. I am line with the best league and the adjustments are quite far than usual.

Starting with the boss who seems as professional as his aunt, everybody in the league seems to try their best to keep up with his level of professionalism.

And I was like.. “Okay… So this is me. This is you. These are the people that I’ll be working with… This is me then, and I’m up for the challenge.”

high-profiled

After 2 months.

I’ve gone through a lot lately. Not considering the events before the 2 months, I find myself working through the time not minding the present.

It has been chaotic. Recently I encountered career shifting due to the recession that has been happening to our country. I’m not writing my thoughts about climate change or the recession or whatever that has happened to the world ever since.

The new couple of months brought me to a new world. I am still writing, but often I find time writing here. I was 3x busy than before. We had conferences everywhere. It’s as if I became an instant secretary than the usual writer.

In one of the conferences that the company held I bumped into somebody that I never thought I would meet ever again.

He was the high-profiled dentist/surgeon that I used to know since we were an adolescent.

I was about to pretend that I don’t know him. I tried to act professionally but I end up smashed because he recognized me and actually called me by my full name.

He used to be my childhood best friend. Hero hates him so much but I have grown to like him. I got used to being friends with him because he was really nice, timid and very smart.

And now that he was back again to the new life that I live in, I don’t know his new part. But one thing is for sure… this is professional.

Oh ow.

It was difficult to face Bryyan as his father visited me at my office one afternoon. I know that Brenth has something to do with his visit, but his intentions are more about Bryyan than Brenth.

It was as if he was supporting Brenth through Bryyan. That marrying Brenth is the best option, but trying Bryyan as my second comfort blanket could do better as well.

I really didn’t know how to answer his offer. First because he was my second guardian angel and his statements about who to choose and which way to go was giving me Goosebumps.

He knows me more than anybody in my circle of friends, but I felt like he is being biased now.

For him Brenth can give my parents everything a husband can give to their daughter. But for Bryyan’s dad, everything about me is just one whisper and whatever happens for the next few years will be a project to work on between Bryyan and I.

I can say anything to his father then, but I can’t now. I know how he feels about me wanting to be his only daughter-in-law. But the thing about Bryyan and I is much complicated than marrying Brenth now.

My second dad

It has been two weeks and I haven’t told anyone yet about my decision. It was difficult to break the person who brought the best in you for so long twice in a row, but it would also be difficult to prolong his agony and his expectations in a time more sooner than he waited.

I just couldn’t find the right words to say. I just couldn’t break him the way I did 3 years ago. What I did before was unforgivable, and to do it twice is too much.

Yes, this past two weeks another guy was doing errands for me. Not like Timmy
Arnold, Hero, Krees or Brenth – he was the type who makes it easier and harder at the same time.

What makes it unavoidable is that he makes use of his assets. Things are doing fine and working because he knows how to crank and wind me. The fact that the one person that I can’t say no to, was the same person who does the same thing to him really makes the situation much creepier.

I have known the-another-guy’s-asset ever since we were very young. He has been my teacher ever since my dad decided to work in Canada. He has been my second dad.

He made me one of the best persons in the world and I am proud of it. He made me love my parents more, rather than hate them or be rebellious to them because they chose to go to different career opportunities than prioritize us.

He has been my comfort blanket because he always listen to me when I have stories about life and he would share advises about how to take it if he was in my shoe.

He was my soldier and my teacher for he fought with me through every battle and hardships whenever I can’t find the right words to open-up to my parents. He was my problem solver because he always helps me find solutions to my questions. He never answered me with “Stop probing too much.” He was so intelligent that he have ready answers and reasons to fill my curious non-sense queries.

He has been my soldier because he protects me against my emotional struggles and childhood enemies. He has been my coach in every walks of trials. He wants me to show competitiveness, patience and toughness more than my face can ever show.

He was Yoshimoto Thief’s father. He was my second dad.

Another proposal

Now I didn’t see this coming. A marriage proposal after 3 years? Whoa. Is this for real?

I was caught off guard. Everybody’s jaw dropped as Brenth began the proposal spiel. Even I cannot believe that he really wants to pursue the marriage plan again. Marriage? As in getting married at 23? Gosh. I really didn’t see this coming.

Is this a dream? Or was his speech about Bryyan’s replacement just a hoax?

“I was referring to another relationship. If it wouldn’t be me, then it must be him. But I don’t think you’ll still have him as a replacement. I want us to continue what we’ve started. There is no turning back this time. I want to marry you Hana.”

Yeah. So he really wants to continue the marriage thing. And if I will not commit to him then probably he will make me choose Bryyan.

Bryyan. But nothing sweet has ever happened. After the day that he went to my house, nothing special has ever happened. So a relationship with him would be close to impossible.

And Brenth’s marriage proposal was still a shock to me. I still don’t like the idea of us being together as husband and wife. I have a life now, but living a life with him again is a cliché.

I know that he wants to pursue this because he loves me. Still. 3 years of not being together and still he shows the same Brenth. And what sucks most is that he’s my family’s favorite person in the world.

Our marriage will be a huge thing for my family. Us being together, us having a family of our own.

I know my parents have got something to do with this. And it’s not a favor for him.

Proposing to me in front of everybody in the living room was so much different than what he did in our graduation.

But the very big thing about it is that, my decision for getting married hasn’t changed a thing.

So I guess, it’s about me after all. The decision is within me. And I’m about to decline again.

The cars

I arrived at the house quite early. Being so tired from the day’s work, I decided to go home and rest. Surprise took me as tons of cars emerged on our drive way.

I recognized Hero’s 2009 Chevy Aveo Sedan, Brenth’s black Toyota Fortuner, Arnold’s BMW 320i Executive, and four other cars.

A C-Class Saloon Mercedes-Benz, a Biege Metallic Toyota Camry, a Silver Chevrolet Malibu, and a Magic Blue Purple Volvo S80.

Then as I parked my Audi A5, I couldn’t believe that they are all here! Brenth’s sisters are here! They’ve been my best friends ever since. Yes, all of them are here, all of my best friends are here!

Brenth and I just had our argument a few days back, and we weren’t able to kiss and make up after that. But now, he is here with my best friends, his sisters.

We had this instant reunion, without knowing what the agenda is really all about. It was just the right moment when Vicky told me that Brenth is up to something. I really don’t know what it is, until everybody lined up.

Vicky, Beth, Antoinette, Kristin, Hero, and Arnold gathered around the living room as Brenth opened his spiel.

“My dear sisters, Hero, and Arnold thank you all for accepting my invitation tonight. I can’t wait to tell you this, but nobody can stop me from saying that I have already decided.

“I will still be the same Brenth. The same Brenth that you’ve known before, 3 years had passed and I believe nothing negative had changed me. Hero, I’m asking your blessings as I have already asked your parents. I want to marry Hana.”

“What? Marriage proposal again? A marriage proposal again after 3 years?”

Bryyan as Brenth's replacement

Brenth was so unbelievable! Even now, I still can’t get it over with. I just can’t put things together the way he did. Hero wasn’t his best friend but he did manage to get ample information about the next best/worst thing on earth.

I didn’t know how he was able to bump into this guy but one thing is for sure. If Hero was a part of it, HE IS DEAD.

Caroline and Hero know that I cannot handle a Yoshimoto thief. They know how I LOATHE the person who purposely snatched the book in front of me. After a year, the book is still out of stock in that Library Café and I am so depressed that Brenth’s gesture really didn’t make my day.

Bringing the Yoshimoto thief in my sanctuary was not a good move. Like I have been working on so many things these days, my social network doesn’t think that I still have a social life. That just because of a relationship failure, everything about me sucks.

A workaholic and a self-centered bookworm. Darn!

I never wanted to be or to feel this way. I guess this is just my defense to all that remained after what I’ve been through with Timmy. I still feel like I wish I learned to hate him or get angry with him but I cannot let myself feel that way.

It’s funny how I cannot make myself hate Timmy, the same way in a different touch that I cannot make myself accept the past with Bryyan and move on to the present as it is.

It was quite shocking to hear Brenth say that if ever I get into another relationship, he most probably will pick the Yoshimoto thief as his replacement. And I was like…

“And since when did you decide on that? I don’t like being in the middle of things, and you know that.”

And Brenth goes… “Define gravity!”

“Rar! Why do you still do that? We’re not kids anymore, we don’t have any relationship! But then you act as though you still have a hold on me!”

Gravity. It’s the force that keeps us together despite the things that makes us repel each other.

And to use that on me and relate it to Bryyan. HARSH.

I made up my mind. No matter how Brenth will push through his ‘greatness’, my own will-power will still remain strong and guilt free. No ID no Entry.

The Brenth I know

He tried to bring Timmy back. He hired a Private Investigator and a Sheriff to locate where Timmy is and his whereabouts. He was successful, but I told him to stop investigating about Timmy’s whereabouts and stuff. I told him that I appreciate his efforts, but the main thing is that, I don’t want to ruin the happy life that Timmy already has right now.

It still hurts, but to make Timmy’s come back a welcome surprise is not my thing anymore. There are so many things that happened and so many things to look forward to. I don’t want another sleepless nights, I just want a life out of all the things that happened before.

And yes, Brenth is still here. Being the best of everything. He still remains my driver, bodyguard, helper, doctor, etc. Except a lover.

And guess who he brought this time?

The answer

There are things that need to be set free. There are good things that need compromise. And our love story was one of the perfect examples that define sacrifice, freedom, change and choice.

I am here, dealing with my new life. I still don’t want to be a wife. I still don’t want to have kids, not like the way my parents want or the way Brenth wants. He wasn’t pressuring me to have kids. But it’s just not the best solution. It is pure love and I want to explore my options.

I decided to give up our ‘perfect’ relationship because I don’t wanna be trapped in the next step, of us being together as husband and wife. We’re still young, and I guess he will soon meet the best wife on earth. And that’s not me.

If I gave in to the proposal, I might be writing this to you guys. I might meet Arnold as the person he is now. I might see Timmy in a different light. I might have decided to do things that could or couldn’t meet the life that I have now.

And yet I couldn’t figure it out. STILL.

Despite the evident things I’ve caused Brenth, still he never gave up on me. In fact, he is making me feel guiltier with his kindness. The very essence of him not coming back to rattle the stable things I have, makes me feel like nuts.

You wouldn’t believe his efforts.

Who's Brenth

Brenth? Well, I wasn’t able to talk to him after what happened. I know that he felt crushed too. But I didn’t have the guts to face him for my life’s worth. I know him that no matter how hard it is, he will never commit any stupid thing to inflict to his system. He was ‘the Great Brenth’ as he put it. It doesn’t take a grave emotion such as what I did to inflict suicidal tendencies on him.

The main thing about him is that he is every mom’s dream for her daughter. Like my mom again, she likes Brenth so much because he is… A God fearing type of person, intelligent and wise, honest and humble, sweet and caring, patient and understanding, and best of all a Doctor in the making! In short, mom’s every dream for me, it was just so much to her that even if I chose to be a writer, my ‘boyfriend’-then, decided to make up for my loss . Only that Brenth wants to become a Pediatrician because he loves kids and that he dreams to have a bunch for his own.

Mom and Dad want to have a grandson or granddaughter which they’ve been continuously bringing up ever since Brenth and I was on our 6^th Year relationship. They were actually unmindful that we will hear about rumors and gossips within our circle of friends because of course, they want to spend more time with their grandchildren as early as possible.

Kinda weird, isn’t it? It’s quite a huge depression moment to them when they realize that it will never happen again. They actually can’t get over it more than I do, that they tend to keep us together and bring back whatever it is that’s left between Brenth and I.

And I still feel guilty until now that I cannot bring myself to the same girl that Brenth used to love 3 years ago. My mom didn’t lose hope, but I did. Yet she takes things as though Brenth and I are still kids that will forgive and forget when the right time comes along.

I actually feel guilty with what I did to Brenth. He was not the bad guy here. I was the bad girl. I broke him, tore him to pieces and still he gives his all, despite the bruises and scars I left him three years ago.

Three years had passed and he was still coming back. I know, not because of my mom, but also because he was hoping that somehow things will work out fine.

What’s not to like about him? I already blabbed about how he is as a person. Now, giving face to the person whom I loved for eight years…

To start off, nothing drastic changed in his physical being. He’s still way too tall for me. Because back then I remember him standing beside me with his 5’8 height, but now he stands 2 inches taller. He sports a black thick wavy hair which was cut nicely by his favorite barber, Andre. Brenth still stares at me with those hazel eyes that make him look like a fake Chinese.J He still has the same nose that makes him adorable, the lips that make me drool for a kiss, the smile, and those perfect teeth that catch my eyes from daydreaming.

But you know what? Beneath the fad of people burning their skins to tan, ‘Brenth the Great’ keeps his fair complexion in tone which matches with his medium built-Gym maintained body. He was never the type to be drawn to what most people love to do. At times I thought he was so abnormal. Like he would love to do things the old fashioned way, with a touch of his taste. He likes to go beyond the common fad. He prefers to do things according to his imagination.

I guess I know what you’re thinking right now... Are you wondering why I let the proposal down despite the perfection of this man? Why runaway from the guy I gave my heart, soul and life to? Why throw away the madness of being in-love, when we are already there?

About Brenth

Let’s talk about Brenth. I know, you somehow have an idea about that guy. But the thing is, it’s incomplete and it’s one sided.

First, I know that you already grasp the idea that he used to be my boyfriend when I was in High School and College. And that I was brought here, in this house, because my parents thought that I cannot get over Brenth.

Well, the truth is…

I gave him up for my dreams. I know… the next line is already cliché because this always or sometimes happen in the movies. But unfortunately, he didn’t let the opportunity fly. That’s why he proposed to me on our Graduation Day!

Yup! He did propose to me on that final special day in college. The very moment that my name was called on the stage was also the moment that he kneeled at the aisle of the sitting graduates and asked me to marry him.

The marshals assigned didn’t do anything to stop him. Even the President of the university and the owner of the university approved of what he did. It was like everybody was in favor of his proposal. … Except me.

The people were expecting me to answer the proposal with a YES! But the girl he proposed to wasn’t able to find the right word to say or the right thing to do. She wasn’t able to get her diploma as she witnessed his proposal. Not in this belief, because she already knew that this was coming. She wasn’t expecting, but 8 years of being together speaks to its self.

It was melodramatic. The girl, who named I, took the diploma, went down the stairs and continued walking to her seat without even looking back to the guy who just made himself a moron for doing a stupid joke.

The incident became weeks-months news that never ceased. It made me leave my home because I cannot take the common friends’ perception to my decision. Even my parents didn’t like what I did for they almost agreed and believe that Brenth and I are meant for each other.

We sold the house because I decided to take a new life on my new shoes. My parents decided to continue their profession in separate places, to save more lives and families. My brother decided to move to his new pad, to continue being independent, and also to become one of the best surgeon in the country.